Category Archives: Twisted News

The Most Interesting Vegan in the World 2

He sold 30 million copies of his vegan cookbook and he doesn’t cook. When he got pulled over for speeding, he gave the police vegan donuts and they apologized for slowing him down. His mother tried to eat a cheeseburger … Continue reading

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Philadelphia Eagles Embark On Worldwide Animal Abuse Tour

Philadelphia — Despite years of protests and a national boycott of everything Michael Vick following his involvement in dog fighting, Philadelphia Eagles defensive end and Vick teammate Jason Babin announced this week that he plans on participating in the Running of … Continue reading

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The Most Interesting Vegan In The World

When he attends events to protest cruelty to animals, the abusers protest with him. When someone asks him where he gets his protein, he bench presses them. When he walks into a fur farm, the employees start skinning themselves. He once … Continue reading

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Mayor Bloomberg Needs Heart Transplant

New York – New York City Mayor Michael Bloomberg, who recently passed legislation that will allow him to remain in office after he dies, learned from doctors today that he needs an emergency heart transplant. “Either his heart isn’t working … Continue reading

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Uncooked Sweet Potato Remains Uneaten On Counter

Tampa, FL – A perfectly good-looking sweet potato entered its fifth day on the kitchen counter Thursday after its owner, Sam Martin, purchased it at the grocery store. After seeing it stacked in a pile in the vegetable aisle at Whole … Continue reading

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Star Wars Fan Scaring Neighborhood

Los Angeles, CA – Stanley Tuttle, 42, continued to weird out the neighborhood this weekend by donning a slew of vintage Star Wars costumes. Tuttle, who still remembers standing on-line to see Star Wars at the movie theater in 1977, … Continue reading

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Disgruntled Wives Use “Cash For Clunkers” Program To Trade In Husbands

Parkland, FL – Millions of women across the nation grabbed their husbands by their wrists and walked them to their nearest car dealership in hopes of exchanging them for a newer model this month. The women were inspired by President Obama’s … Continue reading

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Microsoft Office Assistant Refuses To Help

Seattle, WA – A rogue Microsoft Office assistant paperclip refused to provide customers help Sunday citing loose magnets, fatigue, security concerns, and a lack of flexibility on the job. The paperclip provided her boss, Chairman Bill Gates, with a list … Continue reading

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Yankees Win Orioles-Royals Game

Kansas City, MO – C.C. Sabathia pitched a three-hitter and Mariano Rivera earned his 38th save as the New York Yankees (75-46) won their eighth straight in a game between the Baltimore Orioles and Kansas City Royals.  Royals manager Trey … Continue reading

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Mother’s Imaginary Brake Fails To Improve Son’s Driving

Tampa, FL – Dorothy Hillman, 52, continued to have “total heart failure” Sunday as she rode in the passenger seat of her Buick while her son Patrick, 15, practiced driving with his new learner’s permit. Mrs. Hillman, who wrote to … Continue reading

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